Two year piss.

It's new years day and I lay hungover at four o clock in the afternoon in a dark, cold house. Nothing can shift this feeling. The feeling of total damnation. I am damned to a cycle of loneliness and torture. I'm not complaining, merely stating a fact. If there was one word to encapsulate how this year started it would be; messy. I was messy when this year started. I'll probably be messy when it finishes and I'll definitely be messy for most of the time in between. My room is a mess, my head is a mess, my body is a mess. My attitude needs cleaning up. I'm lazy. I need a woman more than anything else. More than anything I've ever needed before. I need a woman to come and put up with me. One to be like me and like being like me. One to drink with, read to and etcetera. I don't feel like I can ever get up from my bed feeling like this. It makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time.

I eventually get up to use the toilet. The heating isn't on. I get to the toilet and the window is open because the smell of my beer shits is ruining the place. I have to sit down to piss because I'm feeling rough. My stomach's complaining. I sit on that freezing toilet seat and wince. I drain it all out and confound myself.