"Dominant species perhaps, but have you seen this?"

Said the deer before...

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6020264244416084639




Said the Canadian Brownfinch prior to...

http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=BzjLlqIuVhI

A short tale.

I woke up after only minutes of sleep to the sound of Adam puking behind me. I jumped out of bed like the goddam thing was on fire. I then turned to see him still sleeping, only the sheets and his upper body were covered in frightening red-orange vomit. I've never known someone to vomit while unconscious before, hence this experience was initally rather frightening. To remedy my panic I decided to start shouting him awake telling him what he's done. It was easy, he was instantly coaxed out of his coma. I started gathering the rank sheets together to put in the washing machine but on my way there the stench and sight of the shit got my stomach doing backflips. More panic as I drop the sheets and step quickly into the bathroom. More frightening red-orange vomit, only this time delivered by an entirely different vessel - myself. As this is happening, Adam had emerged from his room and with extreme drunken nonchalance removed his boxer shorts and started showering. I'm now caught somewhere between being horribly sick and wanting to laugh heartily at his behaviour. I was sick a bit more then went back to bed, where I remained undisturbed for several comfortable hours.

Call me Scrooge and I'll pop you

Quiet recently. Is this quietness a reflection of my lifestyle? Who are we to know? Christmas is looming, and despite it being a mere six days into December I already feel like I've beaten over the head repeatedly with Santa's enormous sack (Ho Ho fucking Ho) between all the t.v ads and festive decorations. It blows my mind how much money and effort must go into marketing Christmas. It started over a month ago, the saturation, people with pound signs instead of eyes putting out useless crap for us to trade our wages for over Christmas for the sake of giving people 'gifts'. Someone has been sat in a room and actually thought "Yes! I'll make a toy raindeer that shits brown jelly beans!" and made a goddam killing off of it. And while that shitting raindeer does actually kick ass, it is merely an example. Because we don't need this kind of clutter. You want to gift someone? Buy them a book. Buy them some music. Teach someone something, help the poor, buy a homeless guy a cheeseburger or something, anything. The shit that is rattled off to us astounds me. Everything is labelled as 'ideal for Christmas'. I want to buy each one of these ideal Christmas products, give them to my friends and record their reactions on videotape so I can laugh at their disappointment again and again and again.

"Oh I wonder what it is!!!...... *gasp*........Wow!.....it's a......video of how to get fit featuring a person I rarely recognise but is famous.....*hates me a little more* thanks."

They feed it us. And we ask for seconds.