Coffee&Pie: July 2008

I live in a dead town. Dead as in very boring and dull. As if the town itself were a person and it were dead in an unnoticeable place and hence nobody notices that it was dead. Dead as in the only fun I've had in this town was some months ago when I saw an animal looking at me while I was on one of my occasional late-night strolls and it made me chuckle to think what it was thinking; I imagined it being very tough and telling me in its unique animal voice to 'Take a hike, buddy!'. I take late-night strolls to kill time. Although killing time isn't really what I'm doing because I'm not waiting for anything. I have nothing awaiting me in the future. I don't have any money so I can't get out of my dead town unless I walk and that's very tiring. I don't have any money because it's very impossible to get a job in a dead town. All the jobs are taken and there won't be any new ones available until somebody notices that our town is dead (which they never will, as a dead town attracts no attention from anybody) or somebody with a job dies, which happens rarely (Life expectancy in a dead town is actually very high because there are no distractions from the straight and narrow in a dead town). So I take strolls to kill time. Sometimes late-night strolls, other times early-morning strolls, the time of day is irrelevant really, I stroll when I damn-well please and there's not a thing this dead town can do to stop me. One day, while strolling through a street (there are only streets in a dead town, streets and a shop, and maybe a couple of boutiques if you are extremely lucky, extremely lucky indeed) I was stopped in my tracks by the most peculiar and intriguing of all sights: a shining glimmer of light from a glimmering shiny thing in the relative distance. It stopped me in my tracks because the sun was reflecting off of it and shone into my eyes like a massive torch. After the initial shock came the intrigue, I found myself saying "What on God's holy?!" I didn't merely think it, I came right out and said it my intrigue was running so high. I began to approach the shiny beacon on the ground with a million and six thoughts shooting through my brain. I was thinking so many thoughts I damn near threw up from excitement. I was thinking about the possiblities of what it could be, as there aren't many shiny things in a dead town. As I neared the object my suspicions widened as I began to see colour and detail imprinted onto it; strange green and grey patterns, and what looked like a picture of an old person. Then it hit me! It was money lying there on the street of my dead town! Being a bit of a sleuth detective type I resisted the urge to rush over to it like a crazy old beggar and instead continued my far less crazy, slow paced strolling walk over toward it, very nonchalont, that's how detectives walk. I stood right over it's gloriousness for what could have been a whole minute staring at it. Then finally I hunched over and picked it up for a good old look and my suspicions narrowed as I realised "Yes! This is five english pounds!" Then it happened again, another million or so thoughts entered my head as I was faced with the infinite choices of what to spend it on. But I knew immediately what I wanted, and that was some ice cream and some cold cola. There are precious few nice things to buy in a dead town, but it seems the demand for cold snacks and carbonated drinks is high at the moment so they have those things in abundance down at the old shop. So I continued my detective-style stroll down to the old shop, the whole time stifling a smug grin of success from emerging on my successful rich mans mouth. I was tempted to exchange pleasantries with the shop owner but I only knew he'd be jealous of such a wealthy success like myself, working in a shop in a dead town and all, so I just bought my things and left. And boy were they a treat! I don't think there are two things better for someone bored of a dead town than some ice cream and some cold cola. I was so happy, I sipped on the cola for half of my journey back, then ate the ice cream. It's very important to do this in the right order, because if you eat ice cream it makes your mouth so cold that when you enjoy your cold cola it seems warm, would you believe?! I got home and sat down and smiled for the rest of the day, happy and full of cold food and drink. And yes, you're absolutely right, you're very astute; there's no way I could have spent all five of my found pounds on one ice cream and one cola. I did have some change, yes I did, quite an abundance of it actually. But what I did with that is another story altogether.

Since the last post I've:

Celebrated graduation (I mean really celebrated it) and hence left university for the final time.

Read Catcher in the rye.

Passed up an opportunity to see The Mars Volta because I "wasn't feeling so hot".

Kicked myself for passing up an opportunity to see The Mars Volta.

Bought new kicks/shades.

Hung with crews.

Talked to a stranger.

Jammed.

Been compared visually to Sir Alan Sugar.

Incited mischief. Or tried to at least.

Taken a goddam stand.

Purchased a solitary banana.

Been hassled for my lazy demeanour.

Been caught out.

Mooched about and that.

And thus your much needed update on my life is complete, now go speak to others of your findings.

Pictures may follow.